future and music

さっき部屋を掃除して、こっちに来て初めてってくらい綺麗に整った部屋を見て、なんか自分イギリスに居るんだなって突然実感した。イギリスで学生として生活してるんだって。ずっと大好きで憧れてきた国に住んでるんだなーって。それから音楽のこと、将来のこと、自分の夢のこととかについて考え始めて、この国を離れたくないって思った。日本には恋しくなる人も物も沢山ある。でもそれ以上の魅力がこの国にはあって、きっと一生うちの心を掴んで離さないと思うし、離してほしくない。音楽に興味が無くなった自分なんて、音楽をただのエンターテイメントとしてしか見られなくなった自分なんて自分じゃないと思うから。人によって音楽の在り方や捉え方は自由だけど、自分の場合は言葉じゃ説明できないくらい大きな大きな影響力を持ってる。自分の人生は音楽と密接に絡まってて、ほどけないくらい。音楽の事、ロックの歴史、偉大なバンドやミュージシャン、彼らのしてきたことや創り上げてきたもの、未だにもがきながらも進んでいくその流れとか、そういうもの全部の大きさを考える前に感じて、いつも泣きそうになる。なんて凄いんだろう、って。とにかく好きで好きで仕方なくて、もっと知りたいし、学びたい。目に見えて存在するものじゃないものに対して言うのは変に聞こえるかもしれないけど、傍にいてほしいし、傍にいたい。
うちは今自分の大好きな国イギリスに住んでて、その中でもサブカルに富んだリーズに居て
安くそれを楽しむことができる。カルチャーキッズに対して寛大なんだもの。うちはここが好きだし、この国の創り上げてきた文化が好きだし、良くも悪くも惹かれ続けてるしそれは変わらない。
いったんは日本に戻るけど、絶対にこの国に戻ってくるって決めた。自分が愛してやまない音楽の為に。一緒に働いて、生きていくのだ。今は自分の中にある何か大きなものがそう力強く言ってる。
As I was cleaning up my room, I was thinking of my future, dream and music. I don't know why, but when I finished cleaning up my room and was looking around my tidy room which is becoming filled by stuff I like, I suddenly feel that I don't wanna leave here. I mean England. You really never know what kind of things bring you a massive and strong feeling into your heart and brain. It really (and finally) hit me that I am in England which is a place that I've been longing for a long long time. I've been here as a tourist, and it also can be described "I'm in England" but there's a huge difference. I'm in England as a student now, which is more like I live in England. I wake up by myself two hours before leaving the room in the morning, make a breakfast by myself, do a groccery shopping and go back to my place with heavy laggages, keep a note of how much you spent and clean up my room by myself. Organizing almost everything by yourself and it means you live there, it gives you an actual feeling that you live there. That's what I suddenly got today..after the cleaning up. haha I miss many people and places in japan but I'm afraid of going back there. I wanna be here and I wanna feel, touch, smell the culture where I am has. Leeds offeres you a lot of fun especially at night. You'll have many choices to enjoy your night life here. In my case, music is the most important thing to decide how to enjoy my night life of course in a day time as well though. I just love rock music. Its history such as who, which band created or developped this genre, scene, the way of playing and the way of dressing. Who made this band name famous by what event in when, what genre of music has created and become like a trend including fashion. Everything that relates to music appeals to me, and even only thinking about rock music, its history and legendary people in the scene make me cry because it gets me to know how big influence it has to culture, people and even to the world. It's indescribable how big and important music is for me and in my life.It is England where my biggest influence was developped into many ways and etablished. That's where I live now. It has lots and lots of charms that attract me. I'll definitely come back for music and its culture that surely never lets my heart go, if once I get back to the country where I was born.　Something quite massive inside of me is strongly saying so now.